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April 11, 2012 / Jess

The Purpose of This Blog

I wrote a post that was featured in the NY Times At War blog.

It discussed the inner turmoil I faced after meeting – and falling for – a soldier, just mere months before he deployed. While we ultimately decided to stay together, the article did not address that. I wrote the article long before we decided to give this a shot, and I chose not to update the ending. I didn’t want to soften the difficulty of the situation with a tidy ending; we’re still just getting through it.

As far as I can tell, that’s all any military couple can do.

I couldn’t find any resources while I was trying to decide if I would stay – almost everything I found was geared to wives, or long-term girlfriends. I still can’t, actually. What about the rest of us? I can’t be the first woman to go through this.

So I made my struggle public, and this made the Internet angry.

I’ve been called unpatriotic, selfish, weak, immature, and a slew of profanities I have no interest in repeating. If you Google “A Temporary Boyfriend Deploys,” you’ll see what I mean. Some comments I agreed with, some I didn’t.

But regardless of what people think of me, I think everyone can agree that dating a soldier is HARD. Many wonderful men end up with Dear John letters, because the circumstances are more than any couple should face. And a new relationship? That just compounds it all.

But I don’t want to break up with my guy. I want to break up with the third party in this relationship – The Army. I want to break up with it for all the absurd and serious reasons it causes me extensive heartbreak.

This blog will be a series of Dear John letters, all directed to the Army. Never to my guy.

He’s a keeper.



Leave a Comment
  1. bunnah / May 8 2012 8:26 am

    Hi! I found your blog through your boyfriend’s blog. I am glad you are writing this. My boyfriend will likely be deployed in October, and I knew about the deployment since day one. I, too, debated whether to even date him because of this deployment. Thanks for writing this blog, I look forward to reading even more.

  2. Jess / May 8 2012 10:14 pm

    I’m glad you like it! It’s hard, putting such personal stuff out there. But I really want to connect with other Army girlfriends. There are more of us out here than the internet would make you believe. I’m going to follow your blog too 🙂 words without end, which is on my blogroll, is by another Army girlfriend that I “met” via my boyfriend’s blog.

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